Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
