you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
