Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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