i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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