i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
