His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
