I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
