Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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