I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
