Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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