Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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