I want to make a zoo with you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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