New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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