I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
