how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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