I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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