Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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