When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
