come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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