I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
