He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
