I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
