No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
