i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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