I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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