I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
