If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
