dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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