if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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