Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
did i just pee glitter
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
