Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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