I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
