he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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