TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
