I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize