wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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