My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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