I could make wine with my vomit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize