i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
