I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
