He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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