me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
