Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
