Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
