The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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