Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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