My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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