Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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