the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize