"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
