omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
