he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sobbing to NWA
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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