We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
