i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
