Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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