I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
