He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
