So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
