I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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